Marriage is a beautiful union between two people who love each other, but it’s also a constant source of laughter and amusement. Husbands and wives often find themselves in hilarious situations and have their share of quirks and habits that make for some great jokes and witty remarks. Funny husband-wife quotes and sayings capture the essence of these moments and provide a lighthearted look at married life. In this article, we’ll explore some of the best and most humorous quotes about marriage, relationships, and the ups and downs of being with your significant other. Whether you’re married or just looking for a good laugh, these quotes are sure to put a smile on your face.
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Funny Quotes about Marriage
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a workshop, where husband works and wife shops.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” – Evelyn Hendrickson
- “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” – Mae West
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
- “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
- “Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” – Jerry Seinfeld
- “Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.” – Minnie Pearl
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers
Hilarious One-liners about Husband Wife Relationship
- “A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a tornado. In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end, you lose your house.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.” – Unknown
- “A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.” – Unknown
- “I asked my wife, ‘where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ She said, ‘somewhere I have never been before.’ I said, ‘how about the kitchen?'” – Unknown
- “Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a game of chess. One false move, and you’re mated.” – Unknown
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
Witty and Sarcastic Quotes on Marriage
- “Marriage is like a fine wine, if tended properly, it gets better with age; if not, it turns to vinegar.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.” – Gary Busey
- “Marriage is a workshop, where the husband works and the wife shops.” – Unknown
- “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield
- “Marriage is like a game of poker. You start with a pair, and sometimes you end up with a full house, but most of the time, you’re just bluffing.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a bank account. You put in, you take out, you lose interest.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards, in the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond, but by the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.” – Billy Connolly
- “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a lot like a bathtub. After you get used to it, it’s not so hot.” – Unknown
Amusing Quotes about the Struggles of Married Life
- “Marriage is like a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is all about give and take. You give me a headache, and I take some aspirin.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s degree.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is when you get to know the real person you married, after the honeymoon phase ends.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man-child who can’t take care of himself.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is the only sport where the oppressed team turns into the oppressor and starts giving the referee the finger.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a game of poker. You start with a full house, but by the end, you’re just hoping for a pair.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a workshop where you work together to figure out who’s right, and who’s wrong, and who gets to sleep on the couch.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a roller coaster ride: it has its ups and downs, and sometimes you just want to get off.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards. It starts off all hearts and diamonds, but eventually, you’re just left with a bunch of jokers.” – Unknown
Laugh-out-Loud Quotes about Spousal Quirks and Habits
- “Marriage is when you realize that your wife is the only one who knows the location of everything you own.” – Unknown
- “My husband is the only man who can turn a simple chore into a full-blown argument.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is when you stop noticing the quirky things your spouse does and start accepting them as part of their charm.” – Unknown
- “My wife is always on my case about leaving the toilet seat up. I told her, ‘If I leave it down, the dog drinks out of it.'” – Unknown
- “Marriage is when you realize that your spouse’s annoying habits are just as bad as your own.” – Unknown
- “My husband’s idea of helping with the laundry is putting everything in the dryer on high heat, including my delicates.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is when you start to miss your spouse’s annoying habits when they’re not around.” – Unknown
- “My wife thinks I’m too lazy to change the toilet paper roll, but really, I just like to challenge her flexibility.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is when you learn to compromise: I let my husband have the last slice of pizza, and he lets me control the thermostat.” – Unknown
- “My wife’s snoring sounds like a freight train, but I still love her, even if I have to wear earplugs to bed.” – Unknown
Heartwarming Quotes about Love and Companionship in Marriage
- “Marriage is not just about finding the right person, it’s about creating the right relationship. It’s about falling in love over and over again with the same person.” – Unknown
- “True love is not about finding someone who completes you, but about finding someone who accepts and loves you for who you are.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is the ultimate friendship, where you can be yourself and still be loved unconditionally.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is not about finding someone to live with, it’s about finding someone you can’t live without.” – Unknown
- “In marriage, it’s not just about finding the right person, but being the right person for your spouse.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is not about having a perfect partner, but about loving an imperfect person perfectly.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a book, where each chapter is a new adventure, and together, you write the story of your life.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is not just about being in love, it’s about growing in love every day.” – Unknown
- “In marriage, you don’t just marry someone you can live with, but someone you can’t live without.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is the joining of two hearts, where love and companionship create a bond that lasts a lifetime.” – Unknown
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Conclusion and Final Thoughts on Funny Husband Wife Quotes & Sayings.
In conclusion, funny husband wife quotes and sayings add a touch of humor to the everyday struggles and joys of married life. They remind us that even in the toughest of times, laughter and humor can bring us closer together and help us appreciate the quirks and idiosyncrasies that make our relationships unique.
Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for years, these quotes offer a lighthearted perspective on the ups and downs of married life. They can help us see the funny side of situations that might otherwise seem frustrating or annoying, and remind us to appreciate the love and companionship we share with our partners.
So the next time you find yourself in a marital tiff or just need a good laugh, turn to these quotes for a dose of humor and perspective. After all, laughter is the best medicine, especially when it comes to the sometimes-crazy world of marriage!